Crucial Advice in Matters of Love (and Why The Agent Is Asexual)

The J. Geils Band was not entirely right; Love only stinks if you don’t talk about it.
Source: ottmag.com

Lately, it seems that multiple key figures in my life have been having difficulties in their romantic lives (no names given to protect the innocent) and this troubles me. Not so much because their problems involve me directly, but because I care about them all and don’t want to see them hurt. I have a very ‘big brother’ instinct to want to punch anything that makes people cry.

However, after these problems blew over (or at the very least stabilized themselves), I noticed that they all have the same common problem; they were non-traditional relationships where all parties involved failed to communicate to each other.

Now, I’m not going to say that these so-called alternative relationships are bad or destructive. I’ve seen plenty healthy relationships work out with multiple partners and partners of the same sex. Hell, often they have whole families of their own that are more stable than the average traditional family.

I think the problem here is that the times have changed. Alternative lifestyles are more accepted than ever before. As a result, new people are indulging their curiosities. And that’s perfectly fine, but they’re often so eager to dive in that they disregard forming that mutual understanding with their partner/partners.

I cannot stress enough how important talking to each other is. Don’t wait until it becomes an issue to discuss it either; nip any potential problems in the bud now. Talk about each other’s needs, other partners if you’re interested, and even the small stuff like music and mood lighting.

And don’t give me the diatribe of, “but a relationship is supposed to an adventure. You need to figure things out for yourself.” F*** that noise. That’s why I broke up with my first ex-girlfriend.

Incidentally, that’s also why I make it clearly and openly known that I’m asexual. I owe it to anyone that may have an interest in me that there are just some things I have no desire to get involved in up front.

As for why that is, It’s not that I don’t feel romantic inclinations towards others; far from it. In fact, it’s not uncommon for my heart to be caught several times a day. I simply have no room for the sexual aspects of traditional relationships in my life.

For one, I’m far too busy to concern myself with sex. I have a day job to pay bills, a passion project that I’m trying to make into a business, multiple hobbies to maintain my mental health, and the full list of chores to do around the house. Even if I did care about it, I doubt I could adequately dedicate myself to it to my partner’s satisfaction.

Then there’s the aftermath of sex; parenthood and STD’s. Contraception isn’t infallible, after all. “What if something happens? Can I be a father? What if they get diagnosed with something after?” Given my mind’s tendency to race with uncontrolled thought, it’s a miracle that these thoughts haven’t led to castration yet.

That said, I recognise that sex is a need that others need to fill. So I don’t judge and I communicate MY needs to any one that’s interested until I find the right person (or persons – who knows what may happen?) with the needs to match. And really, that’s all any of us can do.

The Agent’s Quest for Financial Independence (or ‘What Would You Pay For This Crap?’)

The life of a creator is rewarding… Just not always in a way that benefits the wallet.
Source: Thought Catalog

Let me be on the level with all of you right now. I really love writing like this every week. In fact, I wish I could make it my full-time job. But in order to do that, I need some help from you.

You see, I’m not the kind of person that can be resigned to being a janitor for the rest of their life and I really don’t want to try. So, for the last few weeks, I’ve been puzzling over how to make The Archive better and turn it into my own proper business.

Why am I telling you this? Because this just as much for you as it is me and I want to know how to make my work the best it can be. To that end, I’m asking you – the regular readers – for assistance in helping me.

Here’s what I’ve been kicking around in my head so far and how you can help.

Ad Revenue

I know that no one likes ads. They’re intrusive, ugly, and ruin perfectly good visual design. But, they’re probably the easiest money available to me right now.

I’ve already agreed to let WordPress run ads on the site, but I’ve yet to see a return from it so far. So I need you to help me out on this end.

Firstly, if you use an ad blocker, be sure to whitelist this page. I get that it’s a security measure for the more seedy parts of the internet that hide malicious viruses in their ads, but it hurts legitimate content creators. In fact, be sure to check your frequently visited sites that you have confirmed safe and make sure you whitelist them too.

Next, if you haven’t already, be sure to follow me on Facebook and Twitter and share my posts via those channels. I get a lot of views and likes on them which is very encouraging, but sharing/retweeting ensures that others will see it as well and draw more fresh faces to The Archive. Word of mouth is a powerful force as we’ve seen in recent months.

Patreon

I have been tinkering around with the idea of a Patreon campaign or similar monthly subscription service to help fund me. The problem that’s keeping me from following through with this though is that I want to give some kind of reward to supporters and I’m at a loss as to what that should be.

If you’re someone that would like to support a Patreon  page for The Archive, please let me know how much you would be willing to pay and what rewards you’d like to see be made available. I want to be able to give back to the people that make this project such a labor of love and only you can tell me what a fair price would be.

YouTube

Let’s be honest; written media is dying. Nobody enjoys dragging their eye across text when they could have bright flashy pictures to look at and/or pretty noises to entertain them.

I’ve been wanting to break into videos on YouTube for some time now. However, technical limitations have prevented me from doing so at the level of quality I’d like to see. Right now, if I went out and bought a microphone today, the only thing I could produce is *shudder* ‘Commentary Videos.’

Still, if you have no problem with that, let me know. You could always just put me on in the background while you type up your third quarter spreadsheets or something. I would, of course, be working on increasing the budget for them and getting away from the Commentary genre as time went on.

Your Suggestions

I’m sure I’ve missed some obvious ideas somewhere, but that’s why I’m consulting you. Let me know if there’s something you’d like to see here or a change in focus you’d recommend.

Remember, I do this for you as much as me and I want to feel like I’m giving something back to you for your love. So, let me know what form that love should take.

Socially Awkward Media: Things We Need To Stop Doing On The Internet

Honestly, I’m just jealous I didn’t think of that pun first.
Source: Blessing.im

For my last semester of college, I’ve have been taking a rather intense course on social media. It’s a bit tricky to implement what I’ve learned into my own self-promotion, but I’m walking away with some useful resource tools like HootSuite and Spotify under my belt.

More importantly, I’ve learned about the things that I and everyone else desperately need to avoid or stop doing. A vast majority of these things would seem to be obvious, but alas, we still still go out of our way to make complete fools of ourselves on the public stage of the Internet where anyone can find your stupidity and judge for it accordingly.

Relationships have ended over Twitter, jobs have been lost over LinkedIn, and criminals have been caught over Facebook (although, granted, most of them probably deserved it) all because they apparently didn’t get the memo that not every aspect of their lives need to be online. Here are some things to bare in mind while using the social network of your choice.

Don’t Agree To The End User Agreement/Privacy Policy Without Reading It

Why, yes. Yes you do, as a matter of fact.
Source: Owned.com

It’s a joke told around the web; The phrase, “I have read to and agree to the terms of service,” is the greatest lie we have ever told. But who is actually hurt more by this act of negligence?

Most people are aware of the people claiming that they refuse to let platforms like Facebook claim right to their photos and posts, but those people have already lost the fight. When you click that OK button, you have signed your life away. You have already agreed to let the company use your information as they see fit.

Before anyone asks, yes, I understand that I use many of the social networks that are guilty of these practices. The difference is that I understood the risks and accepted them as a necessary means of self-promotion. I understand that it can be daunting, but you really need to get past ‘Too long; Didn’t read’ for your own good and security.

Stop Posting Bad Pictures/Status Updates About Yourself

Please… Stop inflicting your awfulness upon us, you guys. There are women and children present.
Source: PopLicks.com

You would think it would go with out saying that you shouldn’t post that drunken selfie on your Instagram account, but people still do it anyway.

Understand that social media is a public platform. The truth of that is in the title; SOCIAL media. It’s not just you, your friends, your family, and the magic pixies that live in your computer to make it work. Absolutely EVERYONE can see what you do.

As an experiment, go to a co-worker or some other person you know who doesn’t have you as a friend on Facebook. Now have them search for pictures of you on their account and see how many things come up that would kill your chances at finding a new job. Congratulations! You just successfully simulated the actual job screening process!

So the next time you get the idea to tweet, “ZOMG, totes gettin crunk @ dorm 2nite. #YOLO,” please would you kindly beat yourself in the head repeatedly with the narrow edge of your tablet to remind you how bad of an idea that would be.

Stop Posting Bad Pictures/Status Updates About OTHER PEOPLE

You think that’s bad? You should see her Pinterest page.
Source: Cat Addicts Anony-Mouse

If you think the shock of finding self incriminating evidence that you willingly put on YouTube is bad, imagine the pangs of betrayal your girlfriend will feel when she dumps you because she lost that big promotion over the video of her in a drunken cat fight with her sister that you posted.

Posting bad content of your peers is possibly worse than posting it of yourself. Not only have you ruined someone else’s life, but now you’ve lost their support AND have made yourself a guilty party in the eyes of others via association. It’s the double-tap of social media faux-pas!

Many people like to say, “don’t post anything you don’t want your grandmother see,” as a rule of thumb. Honestly, that’s just not good enough. Instead, make a point of not posting anything that you or your associations can’t say/do in a mall or some other public venue without either being judged accordingly or removed by security.

Like Diamonds, The Internet Is Forever

Did you catch that? Good.
Source: umass.247sports.com

Take some time to check and see how difficult it would be to close a Facebook account. Believe me when I tell you it is not a simple undertaking.

Part of the beauty of the Internet is that it serves as a catalog and repository for information and records. Unfortunately, this means that most of what you see on the web and many of the things you can’t see will still be accessible for decades after you have long since forgotten that it existed… even if you don’t want it to.

Even if you do delete it, odds are it has already been recorded and saved by someone. Things like the Internet Archive allow anyone to pull a history of a site’s updates and posts with amazing ease and can easily show one’s own failings.

I believe that the dual hosts of Radio Dead Air’s ‘What The **** Is Wrong With You‘ feature, Nash Bozard and Tara Deenihan, put it best when they said that we will soon have no viable candidates for the presidency because of permanent online records. All of this because people can’t seem to understand how difficult it is to get stupid off of the Internet once it is on.

What Can You Do To Fix This?

At this point, sadly, very little. Once you’ve posted something, the damage has already been done. People have seen your ignorance and it has most likely been carefully documented. However, there are ways to soften the blow.

First, look into services like SimpleWash. It’s a totally free service that searches Facebook and Twitter for possible undesirable keywords to help you remove them. You’ll still have to look through the pages for yourself, but it’s a good start to get you going.

While your at it, just try putting your name into various search engines and see what comes out. Typically you only need concern yourself with the first page or two of results since most people never search that far. Even if you can’t remove a frightening result, you can at least prepare for it should the question ever arise, e.g. ; “That’s not me,” (you’d be surprised how many people may share your name) or, “I was very young and still learning then.”

Stay smart, keep your records clean and know your story. You never know who may be your next boss.

Related articles

• 10 useful tips for better use of social networks (part 1) (fieldoo.com)
• How to Hone Your Social Media Skills Using HootSuite University (thesocialmediahat.com)