Why Is Steven Universe‘s Garnet Sexy? (And Does She Have To Be?)

There’s nothing I could say about this article that this sly, knowing wink doesn’t already say.
Source: Steven Universe Wiki

I’m often the master of jumping on bandwagons late. Most of that is over-cautiousness; I don’t want to be the guy that got all hyped up for something only to find out that it was lackluster or worse, detrimental.

To that end, I have my reasons for not getting into Steven Universe until now. But, rest assured, it’s a fun show with a lot of well built and complex characters (everyone has their merits and hang-ups) that dares to challenge a younger audience with tougher, progressive ideas.

But one question about the show has been bouncing in my head lately that I’d like to present to you…

Why is Garnet so FREAKING hot?!

Now, when I say ‘why’, I’m not asking what makes Garnet the sultry amazon of The Crystal Gems; that much is obvious. She has a strong personality, a cool demeanor, is highly intelligent and wise, is capable of taking care of herself, and has very loving nature. Even on a visual design level, few people can resist the allure of her mysterious gaze from behind those hater-blocker shades that hide her bright, inviting, and captivating eyes. And that’s not to mention her plush, full lips and exaggerated figure courtesy of that staple of animated ladies – the Hartman Hips.

No, I mean to ask why she was made to be so easily sexualized. Does her ‘sexy and I know it’ schtick have any deeper meaning?

And, you know what? I think there is.

To bring the rest of us up to speed, Garnet is an outlier from her fellow gems in that she is Gem Fusion – the result of two other gems combining into a single gestalt form. This new gem has a personality and abilities that blend those of the constituent parts to make something greater than the sum of their parts.

… And Garnet takes all of this VERY seriously.

She is the only gem we’ve seen so far that has made the conscious decision to stay fused. And there’s a good reason for that – her two halves, Ruby and Sapphire, are crazy in love with each other and that makes Garnet the physical embodiment of that love by extension. Think of her as the world’s curviest, ass-kicking wedding ring.

Once you accept that Fusion in the Steven Universe… universe… is a metaphor for love and unity, then you’ll start to apply that logic to all of the aspects of romance. And yes, that leads into sexuality as well.

Basically, Garnet needs to be sexy – to evoke the feelings of love and attraction on sight alone – because she’s the one that has to carry the message of love and it’s burden throughout the series. Whether it’s helping a young couple understand this new phase of their lives together, putting down a mean girl that wants to break up a healthy relationship, or coming face to face with a terrifyingly PC rape metaphor, it’s her job to show that real love always wins.

If Steven Universe is a modern Greek myth, Garnet is our Aphrodite – coming down from Olympus to preach the gospel of the heart.

P.S.: To all of you who found this by accident while looking for dirty Garnet fanart, I hope you learned something and you are welcome. :)

Three Great Comic Book Romances We Should All Be So Lucky To Have

So, I don’t often follow up on articles so soon. But, since the thought of last week’s think-piece on Harley Quinn is still buzzing in my head and in light of how AMAZINGLY well received it was (seriously, it’s the second most shared post I’ve ever made. Thank you all), I felt the need to follow it up.

Honestly, if I made any error last week that I wish to take back, it’s this; what good is it to tell you how crappy a relationship is if I don’t give you some GOOD ones to compare it to?

So today, I’m going to delve through my backlog of comic book knowledge to share with you some of the most touching stories of love ever told through sequential art.

Alicia Masters and The Thing

Heh heh, “The Thing-ker.” As an expert in puns – ten out of ten, Alicia.
Source: Marvel Database

There are few feelings I can think of worse that feeling like there’s no place for you in the world; that you’re just too different for anyone to love you. This was the way Ben Grimm – The Ever-Lovin’, Blue-Eyed Thing – felt after becoming a living man of stone.

But all was not lost. Even Ben found love in someone just as out of place as him; a blind sculptor named Alicia Masters.

She found beauty in his strength and the kindness that lies just under the rough, rocky surface; a beauty that she would often turn to for inspiration in her art. The two are nearly inseparable and will happily stand for the other at any cost.

Wolverine and Hercules

MOST. METAL. FIRST DATE. EVER.
Source: Comic Vine

It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t name at least one LGBT positive couple in an article about true love.

Now, technically this isn’t OUR Wolvie and Herc but rather the ones from Earth-12025 (damn, Marvel has a metric S***-ton of Earths). That said, it doesn’t diminish how awesome these two are together. Especially when you consider that these two hooked up in spite of anti-LGBT laws (Canada doesn’t recognize gay couples? MAN, this Earth is weird) and Zeus forbids any god other than him from cavorting with mortals (… hypocritical cock-rocket).

Now, as if having a boyfriend who is LITERALLY the God of Strength wasn’t awesome enough, this Wolvie – still using his birth name of James Howlett – is the Governor-General of Canada, is even tougher than our Wolverine (his skeleton is coated in Adamantine – the mythical metal Adamantium was named for – by Hercules as a gift), and the two are the greatest heroes on Earth in spite of the bigotry they face.

I have seriously never seen anything so awesomely metal and charmingly gay since my Man-O-War ‘Anthology’ album.

Green Arrow and Black Canary

This is the couple I always think of first when talking about love stories in comics.

I think what’s so great about Arrow and Canary is the dynamic they share. Canary is never portrayed as a damsel in distress (she’s actually a savant in hand-to-hand combat), but Arrow isn’t forced into the dopey man role to compensate (he’s a billionaire industrialist and quite a brilliant inventor). They’re just a cute couple that has plenty of attitude between them that complement each other perfectly combined with a deep mutual love and respect.

Also, they totally open a flower shop together and call it “Sherwood Florist.” God, I love these two.

Crucial Advice in Matters of Love (and Why The Agent Is Asexual)

The J. Geils Band was not entirely right; Love only stinks if you don’t talk about it.
Source: ottmag.com

Lately, it seems that multiple key figures in my life have been having difficulties in their romantic lives (no names given to protect the innocent) and this troubles me. Not so much because their problems involve me directly, but because I care about them all and don’t want to see them hurt. I have a very ‘big brother’ instinct to want to punch anything that makes people cry.

However, after these problems blew over (or at the very least stabilized themselves), I noticed that they all have the same common problem; they were non-traditional relationships where all parties involved failed to communicate to each other.

Now, I’m not going to say that these so-called alternative relationships are bad or destructive. I’ve seen plenty healthy relationships work out with multiple partners and partners of the same sex. Hell, often they have whole families of their own that are more stable than the average traditional family.

I think the problem here is that the times have changed. Alternative lifestyles are more accepted than ever before. As a result, new people are indulging their curiosities. And that’s perfectly fine, but they’re often so eager to dive in that they disregard forming that mutual understanding with their partner/partners.

I cannot stress enough how important talking to each other is. Don’t wait until it becomes an issue to discuss it either; nip any potential problems in the bud now. Talk about each other’s needs, other partners if you’re interested, and even the small stuff like music and mood lighting.

And don’t give me the diatribe of, “but a relationship is supposed to an adventure. You need to figure things out for yourself.” F*** that noise. That’s why I broke up with my first ex-girlfriend.

Incidentally, that’s also why I make it clearly and openly known that I’m asexual. I owe it to anyone that may have an interest in me that there are just some things I have no desire to get involved in up front.

As for why that is, It’s not that I don’t feel romantic inclinations towards others; far from it. In fact, it’s not uncommon for my heart to be caught several times a day. I simply have no room for the sexual aspects of traditional relationships in my life.

For one, I’m far too busy to concern myself with sex. I have a day job to pay bills, a passion project that I’m trying to make into a business, multiple hobbies to maintain my mental health, and the full list of chores to do around the house. Even if I did care about it, I doubt I could adequately dedicate myself to it to my partner’s satisfaction.

Then there’s the aftermath of sex; parenthood and STD’s. Contraception isn’t infallible, after all. “What if something happens? Can I be a father? What if they get diagnosed with something after?” Given my mind’s tendency to race with uncontrolled thought, it’s a miracle that these thoughts haven’t led to castration yet.

That said, I recognise that sex is a need that others need to fill. So I don’t judge and I communicate MY needs to any one that’s interested until I find the right person (or persons – who knows what may happen?) with the needs to match. And really, that’s all any of us can do.