Three Great Comic Book Romances We Should All Be So Lucky To Have

So, I don’t often follow up on articles so soon. But, since the thought of last week’s think-piece on Harley Quinn is still buzzing in my head and in light of how AMAZINGLY well received it was (seriously, it’s the second most shared post I’ve ever made. Thank you all), I felt the need to follow it up.

Honestly, if I made any error last week that I wish to take back, it’s this; what good is it to tell you how crappy a relationship is if I don’t give you some GOOD ones to compare it to?

So today, I’m going to delve through my backlog of comic book knowledge to share with you some of the most touching stories of love ever told through sequential art.

Alicia Masters and The Thing

Heh heh, “The Thing-ker.” As an expert in puns – ten out of ten, Alicia.
Source: Marvel Database

There are few feelings I can think of worse that feeling like there’s no place for you in the world; that you’re just too different for anyone to love you. This was the way Ben Grimm – The Ever-Lovin’, Blue-Eyed Thing – felt after becoming a living man of stone.

But all was not lost. Even Ben found love in someone just as out of place as him; a blind sculptor named Alicia Masters.

She found beauty in his strength and the kindness that lies just under the rough, rocky surface; a beauty that she would often turn to for inspiration in her art. The two are nearly inseparable and will happily stand for the other at any cost.

Wolverine and Hercules

MOST. METAL. FIRST DATE. EVER.
Source: Comic Vine

It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t name at least one LGBT positive couple in an article about true love.

Now, technically this isn’t OUR Wolvie and Herc but rather the ones from Earth-12025 (damn, Marvel has a metric S***-ton of Earths). That said, it doesn’t diminish how awesome these two are together. Especially when you consider that these two hooked up in spite of anti-LGBT laws (Canada doesn’t recognize gay couples? MAN, this Earth is weird) and Zeus forbids any god other than him from cavorting with mortals (… hypocritical cock-rocket).

Now, as if having a boyfriend who is LITERALLY the God of Strength wasn’t awesome enough, this Wolvie – still using his birth name of James Howlett – is the Governor-General of Canada, is even tougher than our Wolverine (his skeleton is coated in Adamantine – the mythical metal Adamantium was named for – by Hercules as a gift), and the two are the greatest heroes on Earth in spite of the bigotry they face.

I have seriously never seen anything so awesomely metal and charmingly gay since my Man-O-War ‘Anthology’ album.

Green Arrow and Black Canary

This is the couple I always think of first when talking about love stories in comics.

I think what’s so great about Arrow and Canary is the dynamic they share. Canary is never portrayed as a damsel in distress (she’s actually a savant in hand-to-hand combat), but Arrow isn’t forced into the dopey man role to compensate (he’s a billionaire industrialist and quite a brilliant inventor). They’re just a cute couple that has plenty of attitude between them that complement each other perfectly combined with a deep mutual love and respect.

Also, they totally open a flower shop together and call it “Sherwood Florist.” God, I love these two.

The Horrors of Romanticizing Abuse and The Psychology of Harley Quinn

So… This is your idea romance, eh?
Source: BJA007 on Imgur

I’m going to try hammer this one out quickly on the grounds that, while it clearly needs to be said, it’s not something I enjoy talking about.

So, with the release (and subsequent lukewarm reception) of Suicide Squad, it seems that DC Fans have started clamoring about a topic that never fails to infuriate me whenever people start talking about it; the relationship between well-known Batman villains Harley Quinn and The Joker.

Nearly everyone I know has, at one point, said that they want a romance like these two. But here’s the rub – they often say this without realizing or even in spite of the fact that The Joker is an abusive and manipulative sociopath and Harley is most likely suffering from deep mental scars that extend far beyond even the damage he’s done.

For those not familiar with her backstory, Harley – real name; Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel (yes, the bubble-headed, bleach blonde, jester girl has a PhD) – was a graduate of Gotham State University where she excelled in Gymnastics and Psychology. After finally getting a job at Arkham Asylum and eager to start analyzing their most notorious super-criminals, she found herself locked in a battle of wits and egos with The Joker that ended with him seducing her to aid his escape on multiple occasions and eventually to join up as his most frequent collaborator.

But here’s the thing, The Joker is largely incapable of returning that love. If he has any love in his heart, it’s for the pain and chaos he causes. The closest he can be said to have come to loving a human being is his obsession with Batman. And that love for inflicting pain and disregard for human life is shown in the way he routinely scolds and beats Harley. For god’s sake, he threw her out of a 3-story window!

What’s more, Harley’s behavior is supported by psychology. There are the obvious implications of Stockholm Syndrome, but even her slowly growing to believe she could identify with Joker is supported by science. While working in Arkham, she clearly spent enough time with him for Emotional Contagion – the tendency for humans to subconsciously imitate the emotions of others – to set in. With enough time under her skin, it was only a matter of time before Shared Psychotic Disorder (also known as Folie à deux or ‘madness of two’) took hold and she started emulating his Anti-Social Personality Disorder under the delusion of romance.

So, are we clear here? Harley and Joker are not romantic; they are sick. Harley needs counseling to deal with her years of abuse and Joker needs to be placed in solitary confinement. When you say you want a love like theirs, you aren’t being Bonnie with Clyde (which would be bad enough) – you’re being one of those weirdos that send love letters to serial killers.

Seriously, the best thing that Injustice: Gods Among Us ever did was give us the moment that the comics took forever to do; having Harley figuratively nail Chuckles the Ass-Clown to the F***ING wall.

Crucial Advice in Matters of Love (and Why The Agent Is Asexual)

The J. Geils Band was not entirely right; Love only stinks if you don’t talk about it.
Source: ottmag.com

Lately, it seems that multiple key figures in my life have been having difficulties in their romantic lives (no names given to protect the innocent) and this troubles me. Not so much because their problems involve me directly, but because I care about them all and don’t want to see them hurt. I have a very ‘big brother’ instinct to want to punch anything that makes people cry.

However, after these problems blew over (or at the very least stabilized themselves), I noticed that they all have the same common problem; they were non-traditional relationships where all parties involved failed to communicate to each other.

Now, I’m not going to say that these so-called alternative relationships are bad or destructive. I’ve seen plenty healthy relationships work out with multiple partners and partners of the same sex. Hell, often they have whole families of their own that are more stable than the average traditional family.

I think the problem here is that the times have changed. Alternative lifestyles are more accepted than ever before. As a result, new people are indulging their curiosities. And that’s perfectly fine, but they’re often so eager to dive in that they disregard forming that mutual understanding with their partner/partners.

I cannot stress enough how important talking to each other is. Don’t wait until it becomes an issue to discuss it either; nip any potential problems in the bud now. Talk about each other’s needs, other partners if you’re interested, and even the small stuff like music and mood lighting.

And don’t give me the diatribe of, “but a relationship is supposed to an adventure. You need to figure things out for yourself.” F*** that noise. That’s why I broke up with my first ex-girlfriend.

Incidentally, that’s also why I make it clearly and openly known that I’m asexual. I owe it to anyone that may have an interest in me that there are just some things I have no desire to get involved in up front.

As for why that is, It’s not that I don’t feel romantic inclinations towards others; far from it. In fact, it’s not uncommon for my heart to be caught several times a day. I simply have no room for the sexual aspects of traditional relationships in my life.

For one, I’m far too busy to concern myself with sex. I have a day job to pay bills, a passion project that I’m trying to make into a business, multiple hobbies to maintain my mental health, and the full list of chores to do around the house. Even if I did care about it, I doubt I could adequately dedicate myself to it to my partner’s satisfaction.

Then there’s the aftermath of sex; parenthood and STD’s. Contraception isn’t infallible, after all. “What if something happens? Can I be a father? What if they get diagnosed with something after?” Given my mind’s tendency to race with uncontrolled thought, it’s a miracle that these thoughts haven’t led to castration yet.

That said, I recognise that sex is a need that others need to fill. So I don’t judge and I communicate MY needs to any one that’s interested until I find the right person (or persons – who knows what may happen?) with the needs to match. And really, that’s all any of us can do.